Death and this maiden

I lost a favorite patient of mine last week.  His name was Dave, and he was a tall, lanky, goofy dog with black fur and a long nose.  I joked of FB that he looked like my cat would have looked like if he was a dog, or funnily like a guy I dated way back when, also named Dave.

Two people commented that it is the worst part of our jobs, the losing of a patient.  I don't agree.  Death is a part of what I deal with, both in my time in general practice and certainly in my time now in oncology.  Death is an inescapable fact of our existence, both in our witnessing of it and in the inevitability of our own demise.  And death isn't the worst thing I see.

Neglect.  Abuse.  Indifference.  These things are much harder to bear witness to.   The finality of death is unavoidable, but these other things are completely avoidable. 

So, even in my sadness, I'm glad I got to meet Dave.  I'm glad the joy of him touched my heart.  We gave him some quality time with his people, and I believe that they were grateful for that. 

And only when we say goodbye do we really know what something, or someone, really meant to us.

-C.

Just Tired

I put in a 57 hour work week between last Monday and yesterday.  I've got to pay off my new phone and repaired computer, and I'm grateful for the work.

But I'm just tired.  And I wonder if I'll always have to work this hard.

C.

40s and counting

Yesterday was my 40th birthday.  I spent the day making a new beaded necklace with matching earrings at my local bead store (Caravan Beads in the North Center neighborhood), eating Southern food, and meeting up with actors and crew for my friend's sketch comedy revue, which opened last night and on which I had the honor of serving as assistant director.  It's been great fun and quite enlightening to be a part of a theatre project again, and it was also nice to go out after and share a few beers with these guys, both to celebrate a successful show and my birthday.

I'd be lying if I said this birthday wasn't tough.  It's been an emotional roller-coaster, these last few months, and having a milestone birthday shortly after a break-up is no picnic.  Whenever I feel myself indulging in self-pity or becoming overly sentimental about the past, though, I remind myself of the many blessings that I have, and remember that the point of focus should not be what has happened or what might happen, but what I do with what happens.

In that regard, 40 is a hell of a lot easier than 20, or even 30.  Despite all of the challenges, fears, and setbacks (at least those perceived as such), I'm looking forward to defining for myself just what this coming decade will mean.  See you on the road.

-C.