Just waving as I fly by....

Staying uber-busy. Work. Train. Make cash while making lattes. Learn to twist yarn into fun and hopefully useful things. The photo blog is staying afloat. So am I.

And if any one likes Monte Cristo sandwiches, the Golden Nugget on Clark south of Diversey serves a mean one. That's it for now.

-C.

...because they hold the rest of you up.

It occurred to me late last week that if I'm to spend upwards of 55+ hours a week working on my feet that I should actually buy shoes that fit well instead of settle for ones that are a half a size too small because they are BOGO at Payless.

Sometimes common sense ain't too common 'round here. On the up side, I really love my new Crocs.

-C.

Into What Woods

I went to a show called Into the Woods today. Two friends of mine were performing, and it was an overall lovely production in which they both did a lovely job.

Watching theatre these days is always a little bittersweet for me. I miss it, very much. I spent a lot of time very intimidated by the idea of "big city" theatre, when the truth of the matter is that it isn't any better or worse at this level, just that there's more of it. Perfectionism can be a dangerous trait to have when you allow it to keep you from trying. And trying again after that.

Then I stumbled into veterinary medicine, and I love it here. Truly I do. How blessed am I to have found multiple fields of interest (theatre, writing, vet med) that I adore and am passionate about and engaged in? I never wanted to be the person who spent 40 hours a week doing something that they hated, or even something that they were "okay" with. It's all or nothing, full-throttle big-guns passion or zilch for me. That's just who I am.

But like I said in another blog, you may be able to have it all, but not all at once. I work at a vet hospital full-time, and am working towards a degree. I'm working a second job to pay for that. That leaves little time to tread boards or even to scribble down a lot of the dialogue that rattles in my head. I hope that some day I can find the time to strike a better balance in doing all of what I love.

And that there will exist opportunities for me therein when I am ready. We'll see.

-C.

Resting in the Tiredness

Been a long week. Lots of hours put in. My feet are screaming at me. I can barely make a complete sentence, out loud or on paper.

And I love it. I love this kind of tired. The tired that comes from putting in my time, giving it my all, unencumbered by the anxiety and tension that has made the last five years of my life so painful. My eyelids are heavy, but I will sleep a calm sleep tonight.

Because I am simply tired, no more than that, and what a remarkable difference it is. And how humble and grateful am I in the now? How rested will I truly be come the morn?

-C.

Rainy Day Sweater

I have a rainy day sweater.

It is at least 12 years old, an olive-green tunic-style oversized sweater that I think I may have brought with me from Colorado when I moved, or perhaps purchased shortly after I arrived in Chicago. It is frayed at the bottom and at the ends of the sleeves, where the elastic has worn down so badly that they hang over the tops of my hands. Oversized clothing is particularly unflattering on a tall girl, and the color does nothing for me. The style is very dated and the fraying is more prominent with every washing, but I won't throw it out. It has become my rainy day sweater, and I wear it on chilly rainy days when I can sit in my chair by a window, sip coffee or tea or cocoa, stare out the window at the rain, and ponder...nothing.

It's been a week of the tying of loose ends, the catching up on things previously set aside, the looking forward to see what my future will ask of me, the getting of some much-needed rest. There is relief, excitement, anxiety, reflection, anticipation. Many tasks have been completed, and there are many remaining on my list.

But for now, I'm just a girl in a ridiculously large, badly frayed, butt ugly, old-ass sweater, looking out at the rain falling down, the puddles growing on the sidewalks, the pedestrians with their umbrellas blown out, the buses splashing gutter water onto the pavement. It's a good place to be.

-C.

Taking Stock

I cleared out my work locker yesterday. It was my last full day (though I'll be helping out a bit here and there with chart-auditing as a gesture of good will), and forgot until the end of this last day, after going over the last of my lab tech duties to delegate, after eating company-paid Jimmy John sandwiches and marble cake in farewell (thanks, all) and after paying my final vet bill (Ramona & Hazel needed eye meds and anti-B's), that I really needed to empty my locker. I've had that locker for nearly 4 years (got it a few months after I started), and I guess I was so used to having it and using it that I hadn't given much attention to leaving it.

There was a lot of stuff in that locker. I'm a pack-rat; I save just about everything and I will fill any space I'm given to maximum capacity. Here's an abridged list of what was in that locker:

-a dozen or so slip leashes.

-fat & skinny Sharpies (you need both, trust me on that)

-a spare pair of socks (because you know at some point something foul I mean FOUL will get stuck in your sock we work with animals after all)

-some articles from various newspapers that I had saved to read later

-my toothbrush, toothpaste, and contact lens solution

-a few back issues of industry magazines, like Trends and Veterinary Technician

-a can of green beans and a can of crushed pineapple (both of which I had brought in on separate occasions to go with my lunch but instead opted to do without and decided to just leave them in my locker rather than lug them back home just in case I was at work and thought that my lunch or someone else's could use either green beans or pineapple or maybe both and all of my co-workers laughed yesterday when I showed them those cans but I gotta tell you that there could have been an instance when green beans or crushed pineapple would have been useful nay even needed and then in that instance I would have been like King Arthur pulling Excalibur from the stone except the sword would be beans/fruit and the stone would have been my crowded locker oh scoff ye naysayers but if some situation comes along in life and you slap your forehead wishing you had a can of Del Monte brand no-salt added cut green beans and/or Safeway brand crushed pineapple in juice and there is none to be found oh you will think of me oh yes the image of my face cackling with self-righteous glee will dance before your eyes haunting you like a spector and you will have finally experienced humility in its purest form)

Anyway.

I sorted through this and more. What belonged to the hospital I put away in its proper place. What was good and useful to me I brought home, to be sorted through later.

And what was no longer needed and no longer useful I discarded. And so it goes.

-C.