Because I am me...

After hearing a lot of friendly advice about the game of love, I've come up with my own theory:

There are one of four scenarios that can play out:

#1: You can do nothing, and the something that you want to happen will happen. (i.e-"the moment you stop looking, there he/she is!"

#2: You can do nothing, and nothing will happen (which has been me in the past, and certainly the countless Eleanor Rigbys who are out there in the world. "Ohhhh, look at all the lonely people.....")

#3: You can do something, and the something that you want to happen will happen.

#4: You can do something, and nothing will come of your trying.

And I don't believe that anyone, anywhere can accurately predict which of the four will manifest itself into my life, nor anyone else's. Regardless of experience, none of us knows the future; none of us truly has a grip on the seeming randomness of the universe.

I am the girl who would rather take action than none at all, the girl who chases the robber she knows will get away rather than sit stunned and victimized, the girl who grabs at all the shiny things around her and gets in over her head rather than the one who allows time to wash over her passively, because the weight of passivity is heavier to me than all the disappointments of the world can ever bear down.

That is me.

-C.

Mr. Spock Would So Call Your Bullshit

A brief recap of the Dating Blitzkrieg of 2011:

Sifting through an average of 20 profiles of prospective dates a week...

Engaging in no less than 50 email conversations therein since January 1st...

Going out on 13 first dates in five months. Twice, there were 3 in 3 consecutive days...

Crashing two speed dating events, at one of which I ran into a guy I dated 5 years ago who didn't seem to remember me. (Thankfully, he only had 8 minutes during which to tearfully bore me to death this time instead of 3+ hours)....

Going out on 3 second dates out of the original 13.....

Having one of the second-daters state we should stop dating when I asked why he wouldn't tell me his last name (after date 3 and when he asked me out for date 4)...

Having another of the second-daters evolve into a 4-months-long on-and-off thing that, looking back, I really only persisted with in the hopes of having someone around to have decent sex with on my birthday (which, by the way, was June 1st, and the answer to your next question is, sadly, NO!)....

Having the last of the second-daters be this warm, funny, kind-hearted man who has similar life goals as me and is good to his mother and really loves animals and is a musician which I soooo dig and is tall and handsome to boot, say to me, upon cancelling our plans for a third date (paraphrasing, of course):

"Hey, C. We've gone out a couple of times, had so much fun, I think you are an amazing person and we have this great connection. So let's not see each other any more because that's all too much for me to deal with right now."

I got a D in Logic and Critical Thinking, pal, but I was awake in that class long enough to call that a fallacy of logic.

Heavy, heavy sigh. Heavy-ass, mother-fuckin' sigh. I'm calling for a dating moratorium for the month of June. At least.

-C.

I know, I know...

...I say I'm coming back and I disappear. Sorry, loyal readers.

There has been a lot going on. There has been illness; nothing life-threatening, just a bad flu bug that felled me for nearly 10 days. Nothing like Mom Nature reminding you that your body is not always ruled by your will. I don't recall the last time I even had the flu. College, maybe? I spent 3 whole days of the last month lying on my couch, achy and exhausted, sipping water-downed Gatorade and wondering how anyone managed to get through a flu season before TV series came out on DVD. Ah, it was a time known as the Dark Ages...

There is dating. Lots of dating. 2011 is becoming The Year of the Date. I'm embracing the meeting of new people if for no other reason than I've got some great bar stories. I mean, you can't go to a speed-dating event in a city of several million but manage to see a guy you went out with six years ago and not have a great story, right? It's coming, it's coming...

There is also a new job. In specialty. Internal medicine and oncology. I saw an opportunity and leapt at it. It seemingly fell through, but I kept my eye on the ball. And the effort paid off, big time. I've been in this game for 9 years now, in a profession where the average burn-out time is 4. I've scrimped and studied, sandwiched school time between multiple jobs, put aside my social life and my sanity in the hopes of acheiving something special. There have been countless times that the effort seemed for naught. Lots of moments when I looked at the body of a dead pet and fought against the urge to run the other way. I persisted, blindly much of the time, running on the fumes of faith, believing that all the work and sacrifice might some day be worth it despite the many, many indicators to the contrary. Now I'm on the other side, with a remarkable career opportunity in front of me, and it's mine. And I'm ready and eager and going for it. There are exciting changes coming around, and I'm riding the crest of the wave. And loving, loving, loving it, maybe all the more because the path to here was such a challenging one.

Right now, I'm staring down the barrel of a 60-hour work week, a little daunted, but how many people get to spend a 60-hour work week doing something that they love? Really, folks, how lucky am I?

-C.

I'm baaaack (but quietly-shhh!)

Hi, kids!

So I'm making my way back into the blog-o-sphere. It's been awhile. I started blogging initially to try and present myself in a more open and cohesive fashion, and it was a great way to exercise some writing muscles while keeping the near-and-dear a little nearer. I loved it. I found it freeing. I found it relaxing. I found it taxing, and scary, and strenuous, and sweet.

Then I got tired. I got a little weary, too. I needed some cyber-space, if you will. Strange to say, I mean, it's the INTERNET, C., how does that possibly crowd a person? Yet it did, and I pulled back, focused on my non-cyber pursuits (work, school, dating, creativity, friends, pets, events and non-events). As of late, though, I've been itching to make my way back to it. Touch base via this medium and stretch the muscles of mind and hand once more. That said, my perspective is a bit different now. I'm not willing to put my thoughts out there for any random internet-loper to stumble across. I want to discuss more personal matters without fear that doing so will interfere somehow with my professional life, and I've found that, a few years and some life-lessions later, I feel in myself more free and more coherent than I did when I first dipped my toe in the blogging pool. So instead of presenting a tightly edited version of me to the world, I'm looking to loosen up a bit but in front of a more select audience.


If you are looking to remain a "A Work in Progress..." reader, know that I will be making this a private blog soon. I'm still figuring out how that works-do I send invites to be accepted, or just wait for you guys to message me? I'll keep you posted, trusted readers. Take it easy, or just take it any way you can get it! *wink*

-C.